Song: One last breath - Creed.
Watching: Gravitation~
Reading: Book 3 of the Belgaraid by David Eddings.


Hello...

How are you...?

...

hurr hurr hurr.



OK! So, now that that's over, I'm gonna write some shitz and yeah. Read it. [wut]


I fail at the education process. Who knew I was so incapable of learning. Oh, right. I knew. [headdesk] SO why, oh tell me why I bothered to try again. I could have been happy just diving head first into the working world, but no, I had to go to tafe and try to prove to the world that I could do it. I went so far as to convincing myself I could do it which only makes failing all the worse.
Truth is, I left school for a reason. Its not for me, not at all. I like college, I enjoy earning something bigger than a stupid school degree. (stupid? haha)
Ah, whatever. For now, I've left part two of my tafe courses until next year, and I'm trying to finish part one, as I've now extended it. Computing is easy, of course, you don't spent 50% of your day on a computer and not get the basics of Word, Excel & Powerpoint down pat. I'm passing, so woo. English and maths though.. man.. oh man oh man. I give up!

Moving on, work.
Yeah, I've now got myself 20hours a week.
I'm excited, I mean, who doesn't love making websites, editing video's, transcribing, etc.
If I was doing that.

BUT NO. My boss some how seems to have gotten it in my head that I should be the office chick of that place. My jobs lately have been a small amount of graphic design, answering the phones, sorting the filing system, logging tapes etc.

I've put almost 2 years of my life into this traineeship. I dropped out of high school for fucks sake to complete my traineeship fully. But no. I HATE ANSWERING PHONES.
I even have a desk near the door to sit at and answer phones and greet people. What do I look like? A fucking give a fuck fairy. I'm not. I DON'T give a fuck.

;=; I just wanna make websites...

Ah, whatever. At least I'm getting paid. Not much, but its a start.

I turned 17 in September! I'm gonna look to rent soon too.

Relationship: Still single.

eh. Its a lot harder to meet people now that I'm out of school and working most of my week. Plus since I live with Grandma, going out isn't that easy. My only freedom is my occasional trips into Brisbane with a guy I have no chance of ever getting anywhere with. He's as hopeless as I am. Friends til the end I suppose. Joy.

Ah.. I'm getting very sick of my life. I mean, I know I know, normal angsty teenager right?
But my anxiety sky rockets, and I can't cope with life. Sometimes my thoughts scare me... but other times, just the simple thought of a way out comforts me. I think a shrink would be a good idea.
[Definitely a facepalm moment.]

So with the reasuring thought that next to nobody should read this, I bid you adieu.

ooh, got a recent piccu too C|
-nodnod- Got my hair done. I like it, but I'm way to lazy to style it properly most days. Why do I bother paying so much, only to ruin it anyway. /shot.
Later days~

V.V Hello
I've been terribly inactive.
I'm always alive on deviantart, so I'll do my best to keep up here too.
Nothing new though lol. Brisbane has worn me out, I'm sick of college. My holidays are almost over, xDD I don't feel any more rested for them at all.
Oh well. x.x Being 'grown up' sucks.

Anime - Seen/watching:

_{* Completed
Ones without * are either ongoing/incomplete/or I'm to lazy to finish.. hence this list.}

Series:

- Full Metal Alchemist*
- Rumbling Hearts*
- School Rumble
- Gundam Seed*
- Fruits Basket*
- Peace maker*
- Junjou Romantica
- Naruto*
- Naruto Shippuuden
- Bleach
- DNAngel
- Hell Girl
- The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya
- Colour Cloud Palace
- Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle
- Loveless
- Vampire Knight
- Black Cat
- Kenichi
- XXXHolic
- Card Captor Sakura*
- Sailor Moon*
- Inuyasha
- Skip Beat

Movies:

- Samurai X: Trust, Betrayal & Reflection
- The Cat Returns
- Howls Moving Castle
- Grave of the Fireflies
- Whisper of the Heart
- Spirited Away
- Full Metal Alchemist: The Conqueror of Shamballa
- Voices of A distant Star
- 5cm Per second
- Kiki's delivery service
- Porko Rosko
- The Girl Who Leapt Through Time



Manga - Read:

Series:

- Fruits Basket*
- Gravitation*
- Fruits Basket*
- Naruto*
- Naruto Shippuuden
- Vampire Knight
- Full Metal Alchemist
- Kingdom Hearts
- Wall Flower
- Kill Me Kiss Me
- Peacemaker
- Saiyuki
- Absolute Boyfriend
- Rurouni Kenshin
- D.Gray-Man
- Death Note
- Code Geass
- Tsubasa: Those with Wings
- The Girl who Leapt through Time
- Return to Labyrinth
- Phantom
- Rin!

One Shots:

I will update this later... hah



ANYWAY, why am I doing this? Because Charlene sugested it and I think its a good idea xD I will get them all watched :|


OH YOSH SHE DID. OWO



HOKAY IM DONE <3 KHTNXBAI

I hate that I close my eyes and I'm there again...
I try to stand and it hits me, god why did I drink that much?
My heads still there my body just isn't listening anymore...
I knew what would happen even then though.
You stood up and walked over to me, offering me your hand.
God why did I take your hand?
You gently pulled me to my feet, I swayed a bit.
You were just so close to me.
I had the thought.. 'Turn your head a bit to the left...just do it.'
I did.
My first kiss was drunk and with a guy I wasn't even remotely attracted to.
And even though I felt disgusting and wrong afterwards...God did it feel good.
He ran his hands all over my back, and kissed my neck.
I liked it, I really did.
I wonder how long we stood there, how far away I was in my head.
When I came back I freaked.
'I don't want this.' It came to my mind so loudly.
I pulled away and staggered towards the house.
He followed me and kissed me again.
I was his again, I did and did not like that.
I didn't want this.
I got away again.
God why did he follow me again?
One more kiss, and I pulled away and left.

I close my eyes and behind my them,
I stand and feel his breath on my neck.
I could turn my head to the left,
or I could push him away.
Why do I always make that choice?

Why do I regret it... and long for it once more?
Why do I obsess over it, its not really that important.

I can recognize truth, justify truth, learn from truth even.
That doesn't make me like it anymore though.


Sorry for this post~ not like I can put this in a journal on deviantArt. Hah. God no. ;D

Had to vent though. hum. yeah.

*-*

<edit> I win

It was actually something blonde on my part, I wasn't actually aware that I had to link to the atom section of the blog. I figured it out eventually ;D

Anyway, blog blog blog... I'm an anime nerd/gamer and I'm 16, female from Australia. I am currently doing a certificate 3 in Multimedia and I'm not in school anymore.
I have a cocketiel who I love to bits and in general, I'm absolutely weird/nerdish/otaku/caterpilla.

So that's all for now, I actually do have stuff I could write about that would be more entertaining, but I've finally got my hands on Bleach and well.. since im only on episode 5 I really need to catch up e.e;

Make sure to check out my http://todo-mahem.deviantart.com <---My deviatArt page!!

Later~!

Happy New Years!!!

It's something else, isn't it? When you take the next step in your life and take stock of where you are and where you have been.
2008 has been unforgettable. 2009 will be just that too.

I'm trying to figure out this new feeling. Well It's not new, infact I've felt it more than I can begin to explain.

Fear.

I'm scared.

The numbers said that I will have a hard year, as I had last year. Not promising... but they also mentioned my ability to take control. Power is my key word. I like that.

I'm scared of a great many things.

Work, home life, failure, friends....

To delve into it all would take months. -rolls eyes-

So I will sate my thoughts with resolutions. I will try to calm my mind by dedicating myself and setting goals for the new year.

# Complete my traineeship.
# Get Healthy and fit.
# Move further with my art.
# Keep in touch with friends and strengthen relationships.
# Sort out certain relationships..
# Become more active in my family.

For now.. that is enough.

Happy New years once again, may it bring you luck and happiness.
xoxo Kim.

'Love and lust don't always keep the same company.'



The quote is there because it will not leave my head. I dislike and love it when words like that stick in my head. There is something captivating about the way my mind tries to work them out.

Because I have never truly felt love nor lust I doubt I can understand it appropriately.. which is a shame. But what can I do? Go out into the world and find them to expierience the emotions just to understand a simple saying? ... absolutely.
With those words a goal was set. I WILL FIND THOU LOVE AND LUST... _{wait for me~}


This will be a long rant/blog. For some reason I am predicting my babble...
I.e:
_{Someday
When my life has passed me by
I lay around and wonder why you were always there for me
One way
In the eyes of a passerby
I look around for another try and fade away
Just close your eyes and Ill take you there
This place is warm without a care
Well take a swim in the deep blue sea
I go to leave and you reach for me
Some say
Better things will come our way
No matter what they try to say
You were always there for me
Someway
When the sun begins to shine I hear a song from another time and fade away
And fade away
Just close your eyes and Ill take you there
This place is warm without a care
Well take a swim in the deep blue sea
I go to leave and you reach for me
Someone said you tried to long
Someone said we got it all
Someone said we tried to long
Is there a place where I belong
So far so long
So far away
So far so wrong
So far away
Someday
When my life has passed me by
I lay around and wonder why you were always there for me
One way
In the eyes of a passerby
I look around for another try and fade away
And fade away
Repeat to fade}

Sugar Ray was a genius with these words even if the film clip is retarded. I found great meaning in the words and they have inspired me to draw and create something with meaning. Whether or not such a piece will be created is another matter... I'm pretty lazy you see. (:

Anyway. My inner thoughts are a jumble as I feel as though I am perched above the preface off which I can either jump or fall. By choice or not... I will be going down. Whether a safe landing is what fate decrease or not. I'm scared. I see it coming.
Explanation: Something has to change.
Something has to happen. Things as they are now are up in the air, they have to come down. Que Sera Sera.

My only thought at the moment is the phrase my best friend tells me all the time when I whinge and whine.. "Suck it up." I love you, for your true words.

Well not as long as I predicted.. I might edit later and keep going. For now I need to move onto my deviantart journal. I think I'm making progress in my work there. Take a look! http://todo-mahem.deviantart.com (:

ღ Take care.

I'm about to go out for dinner, and since the page is so bear I think I'll just post this hullo message before I delve right into the blog. (:
Quick and sweet, hurro there to any readers~ I don't intend to waist your time.

I can't wait to start writing and vent my mind so tally ho with this crazy mess I call my life!

~todo-mahem.