I hate that I close my eyes and I'm there again...
I try to stand and it hits me, god why did I drink that much?
My heads still there my body just isn't listening anymore...
I knew what would happen even then though.
You stood up and walked over to me, offering me your hand.
God why did I take your hand?
You gently pulled me to my feet, I swayed a bit.
You were just so close to me.
I had the thought.. 'Turn your head a bit to the left...just do it.'
I did.
My first kiss was drunk and with a guy I wasn't even remotely attracted to.
And even though I felt disgusting and wrong afterwards...God did it feel good.
He ran his hands all over my back, and kissed my neck.
I liked it, I really did.
I wonder how long we stood there, how far away I was in my head.
When I came back I freaked.
'I don't want this.' It came to my mind so loudly.
I pulled away and staggered towards the house.
He followed me and kissed me again.
I was his again, I did and did not like that.
I didn't want this.
I got away again.
God why did he follow me again?
One more kiss, and I pulled away and left.

I close my eyes and behind my them,
I stand and feel his breath on my neck.
I could turn my head to the left,
or I could push him away.
Why do I always make that choice?

Why do I regret it... and long for it once more?
Why do I obsess over it, its not really that important.

I can recognize truth, justify truth, learn from truth even.
That doesn't make me like it anymore though.


Sorry for this post~ not like I can put this in a journal on deviantArt. Hah. God no. ;D

Had to vent though. hum. yeah.